Didn't See That Coming

In the words of Rachel Hollis....actually I haven't even read her new book yet so if you don't get that reference don't worry about it. Anyway we are coming up on almost two years of so much back and forth to where I finally said enough is enough! Now if you know me you may have a small inkling to what this is going to be about but maybe not, if you just stumbled on this site for the very first time welcome but I will have to formally introduce myself later, so hold tight!

So what didn't I see coming you may be asking? What major life decision have you been going back and forth over for two years....well to be blunt, my identity. Who am I really?

When college was over I thought I would find who I was truly supposed to be

When I became a health coach I thought I had truly landed in my role

When I got married I thought I would find my identity in being a wife

But here is what I forgot along the way...my identity did not lie in anything here on this earth, my identity was found in Jesus alone, being a child of God and slowly I have been finding my way back to remembering and acknowledging that.

So why now? What made the shift? Well there have been a series of events but leaning in and pausing to truly listen to what God may be telling me I have to begin about two years ago. Jordan and I had just been married for about three months, I was working at my first job out of college and he was in a sales position with Sam's Club. He was sent out of town on a business trip and well long story short, he comes back all signed up and ready to start running a business and thinks "Oh you should be all ready to do this with me." Mind you I was already running my own coaching business affiliated with Beachbody so I was livid. For a couple of reasons and I am not going to go into all the details but let's just say I was less than supportive in his new endeavors. Not a fan, wanted nothing to do with it. Fast forward a few months I was still coaching but I started to go around Jordan's team more and develop some really great relationships, but I still felt out of place. I was gripping to my identity in coaching so hard that I wasn't even myself, I wanted to do anything and everything I thought I needed to do to succeed so that I would be more successful and Jordan would be forced to support me and give up what he was doing.

However, what I thought was bringing me joy wasn't at all anymore. What I thought was the rest of my life's career was taking me off of who I really was. I didn't want to quit, I had quit enough things in my life up to that point that I had sworn to myself I wouldn't give up this time. In life I do think now that there can be good and powerful ways to quit something. So as of this week I am no longer a Beachbody coach, something that I put my identity in for so long is no more.

Now do not get me wrong, Beachbody is a great company, I made some amazing friends, I am still in love with health and fitness, but I needed a different platform that aligned more with both my husband and I's goals instead of just my own. Sometimes dreams die and new dreams are born. Something that I put so much into for a time, that by quitting I felt that I was failing for not continuing, but I see now that it would have been a disservice to continue down a path that was not going to work for my future family moving forward. I had to learn to let go of self and surrender my future to God. Slowly I will be sharing more of my/our story but for now I will leave you with this....if you find yourself jumping all over the place trying to figure out what your purpose is in life, maybe you too just need to slow down for a season, surrender some time to God and soon I know you will feel more aligned with your next steps!

Speaking of which, I still feel unsure from time to time but God always pulls me back in! For instance, this morning when I was still pondering if I should put this story out into the world thinking why would anyone care, why does it even matter. My devotion this morning assured me I was on the right path because even if this just reaches one person in the right way it will be worth it.

From my devotion (Be Brave):

"Pain comes from holding on to the old when something new is being born. This is a new season. There aren't answers or decisions in this segment. There is renewal. There is redemption. God does not leave things broken; He heals and makes them better than they ever were. He doesn't merely improve, He gives something entirely new. You don't need to worry about what is next. Don't think too far ahead. Just be with God. That's all you need right now. Be with Him."